Strange Unhappy Feeling

Once in a while, I will receive a text message from step-sister Ekra saying: "Happy ka ba?" This I will know that Ekra is thinking too much about Life again.  The texting will lead to a discussion of how to get out of this situation, the strange unhappy feeling that we often both undergo from time to time. Ekra thought its all about what he is doing now. His heart is not into it. But should doing things he love can really end his quest for happiness? Hmmmm......

Ekra loves to travel a lot. He's been to Brazil, Amsterdam, Hawaii, and recently, The Grand Canyon but I still keep on receiving those "Happy ka ba?" text messages up to now. I believe there is something more that he is looking for. Just like me, the strange unhappy feeling keeps on coming back. 

This morning I woke up with Mama O's loud music playing outside. The song, "Do You Know Where You're Going To", being played all over again. 

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

I kept on trying to drop off a little bit, but the song annoyed me too much and so I decided to get up... with a frown. I remember Mama O's strange unhappy moment in a Korean Restaurant 2 days ago. Over a bibim bap, he said: "There something in Life ive been missing. I need to do something but i dunno what it is". 

----O----

I am writing this post because this strange unhappy feeling is haunting me more and more lately. It surprises me that I am not alone. Ekra and Mama O mirrored the mood. Now I thought, is it because of our age? Is mid 30's the time to reflect and re-assess Life? What do we lack? What are we looking for? 

Until I read Kiel's I Am Not Holly post. He captioned a line from the film Breakfast At Tiffany's and these are the words that hit me the most: 

"You’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Ok, life’s a fact". People do fall in love. People do belong to each other. Because that’s the only chance anybody has for real happiness".

Pause. Natahimik ako. Ito ba ang kulang sa buhay naming tatlo? Ito ba ang hanap namin? Ito ba ang kaligayahan na hanap hanap namin? Leche! Napa-sisp tuloy ako. Is it Love the right medication to take for this strange unhappy feeling? Or is Love that triggers this affliction? 

Ang sabi nga ni Nina Nastasia in our Song of the Week (Check sidebar): 

"I dont believe in the Power of Love...... And I am not alone".  

Basta ang masabi ko lang: Tse! Sa may mga Jowa! Charot!