Hyper-Sad

Bjork's Hyperballad (with Whitley's Cover sa Song Of The Week) is the song that describes my situation right now. I keep on playing it almost every time na for the past two days because relate na relate ako. Leche!

We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain

So, i now live in America, a dream come true. And it's not only in Any Place, USA ha... it's San Francisco. Just 3 minutes walk from the house, you'll get a good view of the bridge called the Golden Gate , and once you turn 180d, the pacific beach says hello. This is exactly what Ive dreamed of when I was (maybe) in HS, in the library with that Golden Gate spring notebook on hand.

Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like: Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around

Ive seen a lot of SF already so I opt to do some little things to amuse myself. Besides choking the bishop nga, I started throwing little things off like Bjork did. Throw a little money here and over there for nice clothes, electronics, movie and music paraphernalia, new food, etc. Things i never had before. But blogging has changed this in the past few years and lately, Seal's wife influenced me to try Project Fashion.

It's become a habit
A way, to start the day

Blogging and Designing Clothes have become a habit now. I met nice people from blogging and my artistic side has been revived by the sewing machine.

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

The above two have become my refuge from gloom and hardship. Life in America is not that fun at all. It is all because what I am doing here is not that fun at all. I hate my job. The stress, physical and mental, bothers me. I have to go through all this, most of my days here. I am financially compensated though but i have to send bread to the folks back home. Am left with just an OK amount to survive and enjoy a little bit of some stuff i lyk. No extra money for another education. This leave me to settle with some blogging and Fashion design stuff so I can feel happier. Unhealthy thoughts gone!

It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off

No one is awake. No one knows. My step-sisters here dont know much what's on my mind really. (or maybe, they do now). Sister Ekra would sometimes share her dislikes about the job we are into. And i would agree, but I would never share how intense my dislike for it. This is the only job i know. I spent 4 years in college for this. And this is where the money is. So ill just better go back to the cliff instead, and continue throwing things off. It helps in a way.

I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks

I love the Philippines and I always believe I belong there. (Remember ko kasi ang message ni Tito Paulo C. in The Alchemist: Kung saan saan pa kasi tayo pumupunta at ang Gold pala ay nasa bakuran lang ng ating pinanggalingan). I lay my options. How about going back home? To do what? Designing Clothes and start all over again with a Fashion studio or something? Would that bring me income like what am getting here? I might not even have enough as an amateur designer to buy a 'puter for blogging! Mahaaay!

When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?

If i leave my job... and America, would i be happier? Would doing something i lyk but not being financially stable, can better my situation? Its difficult to foretell.

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

Ohsya! Tulog na ako at may trabaho pa bukas. Siyet! Pero blogging muna para happier. Tse!