The Son Will Come Out

[This is Lyka Bergen's contribution to The-orgy]

I dont even know what a 'bakla' was. As a kid, I used to play Jackstone and its Chinese version and was very good at it challenging my cousins Geraldine and Laura.

While my brothers and boy cousins play Jolens, I chose to play Chinese Garter with all the girl neighbors. I played Piko rather than making a toy truck out of milk cans. And I chose carrying a basket like going to the market over shooting a basket with a heavy orange ball. But, was it really a choice? I thought I was just being me and do things I enjoy.

As I get a little bit older, the teasing begins. I dont understand why people in the neighborhood were picking on me. Those people I dont even know. I remember asking my mom one night of why do they do that."Because you are different" she replied. I still didn't understand.

One afternoon, everybody in the clan was in our compound for a gathering. My uncle from Cebu came to visit us. He offered to bring all the boys to watch the movie, King Kong. I was so excited and so ready to go and felt sorry for Geraldine and Laura who cannot come. Until..... that Uncle told me that I'm not coming. "You're not a boy, are you?".

With tears, I ran looking for my mom crying out, "Im a boy!" and told her of what happened. She got angry. Towing me to see that intolerant Uncle but to no avail, he and the boys have already left. Mom tried to pacify me with a promise of us watching King Kong the next day but it didnt help my wailing. Cousins Geraldine and Laura grabbed my hand and led me to one corner. Then, right there at that moment, I understood what was really going on.

That was my first ever rejection as being gay. I so hated that moment that it led me to the thought that being 'different' is not a good thing. I tried not to be 'different' from then on but for some reasons I still cannot hide it. More teasing. More Rejections as i grow older. I tried more to stop it by denying what I feel, and not showing to other people who I am inside. I learned the art of pretending and like playing Jackstones, I was good at it.

Because of my bad childhood experiences as a Power Puff Girl, I turned out to become Spidey, hiding my true identity with an awkward mask. I opted coming out only to the members of The League of Extraordinary Very Gentle-Men who I think can understand me. It started with my very good friend, Plastic Man (Mama O) when we were in College. He kept on asking me who is this new guy friend I am always with. I told him, "He's my boyfriend". Those were my first ever coming-out words. From Plastic Man to Batman, my coming out was spilled to everyone in the group, who themselves shared their own stories too. I chose them because they are like me. People who are different, like my Mom's description of me when I was a child.

Today, despite of his different kinda powers, Spidey is still scared and wounded deep inside. Like his friend's Superman's Kryptonite, close-minded people making monkey out of him will cause him pain and weakness. So he chooses to continue to hide from the majority, including his own Family (whom he thinks doesn't need to know for they knew already).

Not a good defense, but the great Freud will comprehend. And yes, he still believes that the son will come out..... tomorrow!

Guys4Men

I am 2 days old at Guys4Men. Can you believe? 

My friend J recommended the site. He told me that most Filipino gay guys raw prefer the site than Craigslist, Manhunt or Gay.com. Since I will be leaving home early next year, I thought this will be a good place to meet future friends ("friends raw oh!). Kaya ayun, trial lang muna, sabi ko.

So there, in a specified Visayan city channel, my mouse starts to browse. Ang babata! Gosh, I thought, this new pepsi generation is so lucky. We didnt have this in our time! Parang classroom. Puro children! And they dont behave! Kaloka! Feeling ko tuloy, principal ako! Chos!

Most of them resemble Chaka Khan (to be honest ha, sorry). Walang cute! The mouse squeaks! Pero go lang ng go until he found his bait. His username is Rainy20 (syempre iniba ko dito ang name at baka ma-iced buko). 

Rainy20 profile pics gave out a bright light from among the Khans. Sya lang talaga ang pwede for me. Truth! Kaya ayun message sent: "Hi!"

Rainy20: Hello.

Lykabergen: You're cute.

Rainy20: Thx. Pics?

(Aba pics kaagad ang hiningi! Naka private kasi ang pics ko doon. Hesitant pa ako ng una at baka di na sumagot. Pero, kebs, so what? So, there, 4 of my Pics sent!)

Medyo natagalan ang sagot gulaman. Wiz naman akong pakistan. Then there. May sagot na si Rainy20.

Rainy20: You're cute too. I love Daddies!

Lecheng ina magenta! OK na sana ang "cute" eh, dinagdagan pa! 

Emailed ko kaagad si J: Bwisit ka Ineng! I felt like Sofia Loren in the same movie with Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cottilard, Kate Hudson and Fergie. At kung nakisabay ka sa akin doon.... ikaw si Judi Dench! 

Ang ending: Yes, Rainy20 invited me sa YM. Chat kami with webcam. He looks cute at maganda nga ang katawan, in fairyness. Cute rin raw ako. (O di ba?). He likes my eyes and lips raw. (Di nya alam kakainum ko lang ng red wine). Walang naganap sa cam. Pa-cute lang. Promise. 

Ayan, may bagong "future friend" na akong twinky 20. Sana change na ang name ng Guys4Men na to to Men4Boys. Chos! Ayoko ko na! Tse!

Jezebel Patel is Rainbow Brite

Halloween 2009: Sister Jezza was Rainbow Brite!

At a pop bar in the Castro, Jezza in her halloween costume was approached by a bitchy gay Marilyn Monroe: "Rainbow Brite is supposed to be Blonde!" telling Jezza with an obvious rivalry in his eyes.... (and nose).

Our sister, with her usual Sex on the Beach, replied: "I know! But Brunettes are brighter. So, I am Rainbow Brite-er!" (Sabay roll ng eyes and walk out!)

Clap! Clap! Clap! Rainbow Brite is Fierce! I didnt know that! Tse!

Miss Universe Birthday Party

Happy Birthday Jezebel!

Before and After

Now, BLOW! 

Jezebel, 18, Miss Seychelles

With the Judges from Germany and India

With other contestants: Guam, Puerto Rico, 

Dominican Republic and Hong Kong

Charice, 17, Miss Dominican Republic

(Best in Interview and Talent Trophy)

Mimi, 22, Miss Paraguay

(Photogenic Trophy)

Apsara, 22, Miss Thailand (left)

Unnur, 18, Miss Iceland (right)

Diana Rose, 19, Miss Zimbabwe

(Congeniality Trophy)

Bungga, 23, Miss Guam

(Clairol Award)

Judge Anna Winter 

Dadawa, 24, Miss Tibet and

Anggun, 23, Miss Indonesia (w/ Dom. Rep.) 

Jamila, 21, Miss Dubai

Rosalinda, 18, Miss Puerto Rico 

Fafa, 20, Miss Zaire 

(Hinde sa Water, Hinde sa Land.... Zaire!!!!)

TOP 6: Thailand, Zaire, Iceland, Paraguay, Seychelles, and Dominican Republic

AND THE WINNER IS...... 

Seychelles!!!!! (Of Course!) 

(All photos by [G]. To contact, pls visit any National Geographic office worldwide. Thanks [G]! Your hair smells terrific!) 

The Man and The Boy

He is coming home.

Unpleasant memories packed

Heavy 0n his back...

A luggage full of remorse.

The plane has landed

On the soil where he grew up

He woke up weary

Greeted by Yesterday

His mom welcomes him

not as a son but as a stranger

A visitor from a land far away.

A traveller from the future.

She looks younger and healthy

But her smile will always be the same

She showed him his room

His small corners from the past

His Dad didn't say hello

Always cold and remote

Then, there were children

But only one made his heart leap.

A boy, cheerful and confident

Raw and wide-eyed.

The boy smiled at him.

He was his Mom's youngest child.

He spent the day with the folks

In the village street outside

Alone, he saw Them

The devil and his demons.

They were talking to the boy.

To stop them is his purpose

But he was paralyzed from feet up

There is no way to escape fate.

He saw how they dragged the boy

In some darkness somewhere

He still cannot move. Helpless.

Tears displayed what he felt inside

The boy came back crying

His family oblivious

He wont say a word.

This is between him and the boy now.

It was their secret.

But the boy thought it was personal

The next day, everything has changed.

Innocence lost and stolen.

The boy becomes shy and afraid

He is no longer cheerful

His family unsuspecting

It could just be a stage

He saw the boy alone

Playing with his dolls.

He approached him

They have a talk.

"I know what is going on.

And i love you no matter what"

The very first words he wanted

to tell the boy for a very long time.

"What happened has happened

we cannot change it anymore

It is a part of life, you'll understand

All you need is to walk on.

You will never be happy

unless you release it

Don't start to carry the burden

It was not your fault.

Continue to dream and forget about it

Then everything will be better".

The boy hugged him with tears on his eyes

He patted his back as he pat his.

It was different the next day

He woke up smiling and happy

His mom greets him good morning

Not as as stranger this time but as her son

The same assuring smile on her face. Always.

This is the day he'll return to America

The place he calls home for 6 years now.

His dad beaming at him

No longer cold, No longer remote.

Pride written on his face.

Then, there were children

His nephews and nieces.

They reminded him of the boy from Yesterday

Cheerful, confident, and raw

like the boy the first time they met.

He kissed everybody goodbye

His Mom, Dad, and the children

To the poor boy he never saw again.

To remorse, guilt, and self-pity

To the Devil and his demons.

As the plane lands at SFO

He felt light and buoyant.

The luggage of remorse,

No longer on his back.

He definitely feels better.

At the passenger seat of a cab,

He thought of the man.

The man who changed his life.

The man he met 30 years ago,

Himself.

Who Is Kelly Carson?

(This post is taken from another blog I read in passing. The writer is talking about our beloved step-sister, Kelly).

-----O-----

Kelly Carson. I will not describe her. You who do not know her will not know her through here. Just recently Galo, close friend of mine bumped into her by accident. This was the scene.

Galo slowly pulled up the aluminum chair making an irritating clanging sound. The people in the restaurant did not seem to have noticed the noise he was making. Almost all 14 tables in the outdoor restaurant were occupied; chatting people here and there and the occasional sound of an automobile engine cruising by. He was meticulously ordering his Macchiato and a pack of Winston lights, when suddenly a deep female voice whispered in his ear.

“I’m not a slut, but I’d like to sit with you.”

Galo never spoke a word. He just looked at her with disambiguation.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She positioned herself across him, pulled up her own more-irritating-clang-sounding chair and held out her hand. “I’m Kelly Carson.” She greeted with a broad smile.

Galo, apathetic.

Kelly took back her hand. She motioned the waiter who was still standing beside Galo and asked for a bottle of distilled water.

“You don’t know me.” She took out her pack of Marlboro Lights Blue and lit it. An ashtray landed almost immediately on the table. Galo’s Winston Lights arrived.

“I knew you smoked.” Kelly blew smoke away from Galo. “It is just written all over your face.” She smiled.

“Do you have anything better than that?” Galo felt the distinct edges of Winston.

“Oh yeah.” She tapped her cigarette on the ash tray and sucked on it. “If I were gay, I’d suck you off.” She blew the smoke slowly with her eyes on Galo.

“Flop.” Galo’s voice cracked in the boredom.

“You’re difficult.”

“You have no idea.”

“What’s your problem?!?”

“I know you.”

Kelly shrugged. “You expect me to be happy about it?”

“I don’t want you in my table.”

“Why?” Kelly laughed out. “What are you gonna do? Kick me off of my chair?” Kelly laughed louder.

Galo lit a cigarette as his coffee and her bottled water were served. He blew off the smoke then soaked his cigarette on the white foam of his coffee. Kelly was baffled as she looked at what he was doing. Kelly leaned back and pretended not to be worried about what he was doing.

“My problem is I know you and you don’t know me.” Galo took out his wallet and placed money for his bill. “You can’t compete with someone you have no idea about.”

“I want you down.” Kelly was not paying attention to him anymore. Kelly was watching a guy who just walked in wearing a distinctively Versace black suit.

“You way too far below to reach me and pull me down.” Galo moved his chair back

Kelly turned to him. “Really, now?”

“Yeah.” Galo stood up. “And seriously, get a better pick up line.” Galo slowly walked away from the table.

She was still looking at Galo when the guy in Versace turned to him and uttered something. He was standing at the bar by the entrance door. With his back to her, Galo did not seem to react to what the guy was saying. Kelly sat up tall, intrigued by the silent scene.

Galo reached for the handle of the garden fence that surrounded the restaurant and turned to Kelly. He smiled and left.

The Versace guy followed.

“God I’m getting old.” She looked at the familiar dance of smoke. She thought of Lyka.

-----O-----

(I have nothing to say. I just miss my beloved step-sister, Kelly!)

Miss Guatemala Stumbles

I wonder what happened. I used to be like anyone else. Looking for sex wherever, whenever. From the bars and movie houses of Iloilo, to the streets and the beaches of Dubai, and through the internet in Detroit. This usually happens when Im bored and has nothing to do. ... which was quite often then.  

I used to enjoy it. Big bang, thank you man then proceed to the next one without any affection or guilt. It was like playing a character in QAF. 

Pleasure in a jiffy. All gone. What happened?

Maybe I lost confidence. With a potbelly and a pair of man boobs, I hated myself looking at the mirror naked. Or possibly it is all hormonal. At my age, Stella needs to get her groove back. Or for all one knows, I had enough. Or maybe not yet. 

I am looking for 'something' but i dunno what it is. That something other than a sexual hook-up that can make me float up high. That thing that can make me stare at the wall for a while and smile. 

'Attachment'.... that could be the word fitting for that 'something' I am looking for. Attachment wherein sex is not the highest priority. A bond that cannot be broken by looks, size, and performance. That 'something', you gays! I know you know what i mean.

Its been a while. I dont wanna fall asleep and get up realizing its too late. I need a rockstar! 

(This thought came up after declining an invitation from one of my crushes around the bend. He asked me for a casual you-know-what, i gave it a thumbs down cause i wanted a dinner date instead. Call me silly. I have my reason. Tse!). 

My point is... for you to answer this:

If you were a living Kamagong Tree that can talk, what would you say to the people of the world? 

Miss Guatemala.... Gooooo! 

Lyka's "Dose"

Sila ang sampung mga lalaki sa buhay ko.... ng ako ay nasa Grade 6.

1. Richard Gere

2. Lito Gruet

3. Corey Haim

4. Emil Sandoval

5. Corey Hart

6. Gabby Concepcion

7. Christopher Reeve

8. Miguel Rodriguez

9. Tony Danza

10. Julio Diaz

-----O-----

Si, Mark, kasama ko sa trabaho... di tunay na pangalan. Di kami masyadong busy kaya napatanong sya sa akin: "Sino ba ang babae na pinapantasyahan mo noon ng bata ka pa?" 

Kung totoo lang ako kay Mark, sampu ang nasa listahan ko. Sila ay di ko makakalimutan ever emporium. Si Richard Gere, na walang pelikula noon na di sya nakahubad: American Gigolo, Breathless, at No Mercy. Di ko makalimutan ang pagpo-pause ko ng betamax namin  noon. Si Lito Gruet. Ang close-up smile nya  at ang Hubo sa Dilim. Si Corey  Haim na super crush ko sa The Lost Boys. Ang Kulasisi ni Emil Sandoval. Ang boses at fez ng Corey Hart. Ang cover ng Kislap Magazine na naka trunks lang si Gabby Concepcion. Ang bukol ni Superman (Christopher Reeve). At ang kanyang pinoy version na si Miguel Rodriguez sa Virgin Forest. Ang cute na Tony Danza sa Who's The Boss, at ang short demin shorts ni Julio Diaz sa Takaw-Tukso. 

Sila! Sila ang mga lalaking pinapantasyahan ko noon ng ako'y dose pa lamang. And yes, baklang bakla na ako noon. At obviosang matanda na ngayon para sa mga batang wiz kilala ang karamihan sa aking listahan. (At Oo na! Dalawa na ang patay sa kanila! Tse!) Di ko sila makakalimutan at si Mark kasi, tanong pa ng tanong.

Dahil hinde pa ako Out kay Mark, iba ang sagot ko sa tanong nya.... 

"Si Phoebe Cates!" (Sabay alis at nagpakunwaring busy!) 

Bakla-itan

I love Ricky Gervais. Ang pang-inis and everything. Ang carino brutal. Ang kalokohang di mapantayan. Eto sya:



Gabi na. Tawa ako ng tawa. Ewan ko ba. Simpleng komedya pero nakaka-iba. Tayo kasing mga bakla, mahilig mang-lait. Masaya. Kaloka. Diva?

Katulad nito:

Location: Sa aming maliit na Gym sa Garage

1. Si Jezebel after ako'y naghubad ng shirt: "Aaay! Lyka, nag pi-pills ka ba dati?"

(Putah ka talagah Jezebel! Tse!)

2. Ako on Mama O's discolored scar sa mid-chest: "Ang ganda naman ng pendant mo Mama O".

3. At si Mama O on Jezebel after nag body-builder pose at pinakita ang Biceps: (After a short Giggle) "Girl ka pa rin 'day!"

Bakla-itan galore! Bakit kaya tuwang tuwa tayong mga bading sa panglala-it? Part na ata ito ng kabadingan world. Vaaakit? Paki-explain! 

A Tail To Tell

"You were wagging your tail too much" says Mama O. "Yeseeshah, obviousa!" Jezebel agrees. 

I was just excited to see this guy. He's visiting SF from out of state. I knew him from long before. But his facebook pics put on display how better-looking he is now. Then there he is in the flesh again. He truly looks different with his new physique. 

He with his clique joined us. I didnt know that I showed too much interest by acting like a dog wagging his tail like a windshield wiper powered to the maximum speed until Mama O and Jezebel told me so. 

Maybe i did ask him a lot of questions. Maybe my body language were too much. Maybe I used too much touch. Or manifested a lot of licking the lips. All the while, I thought I was just being friendly.

"Was I that obvious?" I asked the sisters. "Was it bad?" 

Mama O doesnt think so. He liked what he saw: He saw confidence, a thing he seldom see in me when it comes to flirting. But I still thought the over-wagging of the tail was too much. It didnt work. 

Jezebel showed me a smile when I said that. The Sookie Stockhouse in me snapped. Jeze's mind recited: "It's not because you wagged your tail too much. It was how you wagged it. The way like a pig does when he sees food".  Charot!

Well, yes. There are advantages and disadvantages in showing a guy how interested you are of him in your first meeting. Wagging your tail plus good looks wont always give you a free pass. Maybe i dont have the good looks, just the wagging. Chos! 

Now, I say goodbye to my tail: 

The letter Q without the tail, is no Q anymore. It becomes an O. Some like the letter Q and some like the plain letter O. Analyze that and Good Luck to all of you! Tse! 

Spagetting Pababa

I went out of work early kanina. I was craving for Spag... so dumaan ako ng grocery store at bumili ng mailuto. I texted sis Jezebel na am going to be home early and will cook spag and buy Merlot for dinner. Excited ang gagah.  

I havent seen Jezza for 4 days na. She went to LA kasi for the Gay Pride Weekend doon. There's a lot of catching up to do. The spag and the wine will be a good match. 

Jezza is not home yet when I got home. Nagluto na ako ahead. I also bought bread to toast. Nilagyan ng butter at nilagay sa oven. 

Good timing ang Jezza. Ready to eat na ang Spag ng dumating sya.

4, 3, 2, 1.... kumain na kami. Kwentuhan galore. I asked him about LA. He told me about what he felt sa kanyang bestfriend doon. Naiba na raw ang samahan nila dahil may Jowa na ito. Di na katulad ng dati na everytime magkasama sila, go lang ng go ang bakla. Pero ngayong may Jowa na, for your consideration na ang Papa nya. Kung ayaw nito, ayaw na rin ng BFF. 

Yan ang topic namin habang eating the Spag and drinking the Merlot: Naiiba na ba ang samahan ng baklang magkaibigan kung may mga Jowa na ang mga ito? 

Ang dami ng processing ang naganap. Possesive lang ba tayo? Naging number 2 na lang ba tayo being a friend at number 1 dapat ang Jowa? Kasalanan ba ng Jowa kung di na katulad ng dati ang samahan nating magkaibigan? Or kasalanan ba ng ating kaibigan for choosing the Jowa over us when it comes to decision-making?

Very interesting ang conversation namin ng Jezza. Naka dalawang serving ng spag ang gagah! Pero teka..... asan na ang Toasted Bread? Asan na? OMG! Eto na sya:

Moral Lesson: Huwag pabayaan at kalimutan ang mga baklang kaibigan dahil sarap na sarap ka na sa Jowa mo. Sabayin ang toasted bread sa Spag at wine.... lalong sasarap ito! 

Oink! Oink!

"Oink! Oink!"

Yan ang tone ng Globe roaming phone ko kung may message akong matatannggap. 

After I got back here in SF from my Pinas vacation, i had a lot of "Oink! Oink!" received. Almost everyday hanggang ngayon at sa isang tao lang galing to. Sya ang taong iniwan ko sa Pinas ng nag-bakasyon ako doon. Madami ring nangyari sa amin doon... almost everyday during my 2-week stay there kaming nagsama. Everyday ang landian. Everyday ang you-know-what. 

Txt ng Txt si loko.....

Day 1: "I Love you. I miss you already". 

Sino ang di kikiligin nyan? 

Day 2: "You know what, I love you na talaga"

Aba.... napa-smile ako

Day 5: "Akin ka lang ha. I love you. Muah3X"

Day 6: "Palangga, u r always n my mind. Love you! Muah3x"

Paniwalang paniwala ako dito ha. And it goes on and on. 

Day 10: "Miss you so much! I love you!"

Day 15: "I Love you! I Love You! I Love you! Muah3x""

Teka nga muna.... bakit parang di na ako nasisiyahan. Bat parang di na ako naniniwala. Templated na ata ang I Love You's nito ah? Everyday, yan lang ang masasabi? 

Day 16: " I love you, Palangga! Miss U! Muah3x"

Leche! I txted him to stop it. He told me he's just telling me how he feels. I told him its irritating na and it doesnt sound sincere anymore.

Day 17: "Dont say goodbye pls. I love you that much!"

I really need time to think about this. Yeah, medyo nahulog na rin ako sa kanya, admit ko yan, kahit nandoon pa lang ako at di pa nakauwi dito. 

Pero di ko na makaya ang pattern ng mga txt messages nya. I am doubting na the genuineness ng mga txts na toh. Niloloko ata ako nito eh? 

"Oink! Oink!"

Ayan na naman sya.... alam ko na kung ano ang laman ng txt message na to. Di ko na dapat basahin pa. Leche! 

-----O-----

Minsan, dasal lang tayo ng dasal ng ating "Our Father's" at "Hail Mary's" at di natin namamalayan na di pala galing sa mga puso natin ang nire-recite nating prayers na to. Minsan, 10 times pang pa ulit ulit as instructed by our parish priest. Minsan, pabilisan lang. Minsan nakisabay lang sa iba for the sake of praying lang talaga. Masisiyahan ba ang ating panginoon nyan sa langit? 

Excited

Kay tagal ko ng nawala. Kamusta na ba ako? Nasa White House na ang mga Obama; Nanalo na sina Kate at Meryl; Nakulong na si Boy George; at nasa Finals na ang Serena sa Melbourne.... di pa rin updated ang LTE. Bakit ba?

Excited kasi sa Vacation this coming March ang Lyka. Ewan ko ba. Everyday ang googling for hotels sa Malate area, eh hanggang ngayon di pa rin makapag-decide kung saan mag stay. Eh two days lang naman sa Manila ang yours trulala and Ekra. (We will be in Malate Area on Feb 28 and March 1. Kung sino ang gustong makipag-EB, text me sa Globe # ko : 0915-771-2709 on those days).

At ang mga bading, ang mga step-sisters busy sa gym. Pati ang Lyka nakipagbuhat na rin almost everyday. Meron naman pagbabago ang effect ha. Pero sympre me tyan pa rin, lumiit nga lang ng konti. Tse!. Eh ngayong gabi pagoda, kaya rest day muna. 

At ang mga sisters, may mga out-of-towners na mga bisita the past few weeks kaya naging busy. Leche! Nakalimutan ng manahi for the Project Runway. 

At darating na rin dito ang [G] this coming Sunday. Nakow! crazy month na naman ang Feb na to. Balita ko kasi, mahilig din uminom tong Ate natin. Am sure mapapa-inom naman ako nito. Sayang ang Gym. Lecheng [G] to. (pero thank you sa Globe SIM card Pare ha. Sama mo na rin ang phone!)

Mga Ate. Basta dyan lang kayo... nadito rin kami. Kita-kits na lang kung papalain. Bangs!

(Makinig na lang muna kay Mutya Buena sa aming Song of the Week sa sidebar. Ewan ko ba at lahat na lang ng version ng Fast Car ni Tracy Chapman... Like ko! Venga rin yung kay Kristian Leontiou. Try nyo here). 

Where's My Fruitcake?

Mom wanted an American-made fruitcake for Christmas. She got it. I sent two bars which i think were much less flavorful compared to her own home-made fruitcake. She wrote me an e-mail: 

"Thanks for the fruitcake. I really enjoyed it. The first bar I cut into quarters and gave it to your siblings. The other I keep for myself."

Mom's such a nut when it comes to anything imported (which I understand). We aspire for things we cant usually have. Anything from the West is better. A notion we learned from childhood. I e-mailed her back:

"That's the best fruitcake i can get from here. And it's not even yummy close to the ones you made for every Christmas when I was there".

I was being truthful. Hers is the best for me. And her home-made ham as well. 

"I wasnt able to make Ham this Christmas. I was too busy.  Your dad bought a Fiesta Honey-baked Ham for our Noche Buena instead.  He was looking for some imported cheeses to go with it but they were all expensive". 

I thought of the 5 different kinds of European Cheese rotting in our fridge. Mama O is the only one who gobbles them. But she's not here. She's in the Philippines. (The Sunset Scavengers will be collecting these cheeses in a few more days). Mama O was my fruitcake bearer from here to Mom. Mom asked:

"___ is here. Will you be celebrating Christmas alone?"

I replied:

"Yeah. My other room-mate (Jezebel) is in Nashville with his cousin and _____ (Ekra) will be with his Mom and Bro in L.A. I will be working anyways, so there will be no celebration at all"

She replied:

"I am worried about you. You should have a wife and a family by now. You're getting old and getting old alone is difficult. Look at your Tita Marina, she longs for all your attention, her nephews and nieces' attention. But you guys still have us, your parents. She will always be second to her siblings. You dont wanna be like her, do you? You should marry. All I wish is for you to be happy".

Until now, I have no reply. I have nothing to say. I wonder, where is my fucking fruitcake?

River and Lake: The Conclusion

(Part of series. See previous entries below)

Chapter 6: Lake Asks Why

Silence in the Lake when River left. But not peaceful. The sound of the crickets chirping didnt bother him. He's thinking. What was that all about? He wanted to to know why River asked him that question. They dont talk about feelings. Never. And why now? When everybody is drunk. And after those alligator flirting. Why does River want to know if he likes him? 

Lake thinks its not because River likes him. It is because River is looking for assurance. The certainty that he is still as grand and upscale as his sister Amazon and beautiful and distinguished like his brother Nile. Is that what River wants to hear from him learning from the prattling ducks and the fanciful buffalos that he likes him? If he is right, pity is what he feels for River. But he could be wrong. He doesnt want to think and feel like this about his friend. That is why he needs to talk to River. 

Chapter 7:  Hush, River. Hush  

Lake thinks he need air. He went outside to get some. There he finds River lying sobering up. He didnt leave after all. He has no place for the night anyways. Lake lays next to him. River hugs him and put his head on Lake's chest. Lake extends his arms for him and ask him why he wanted to know if he likes him. And there Lake finds out the answer to the question that is bothering him tonight. 

River says: "It is because its nice to know that someone loves you. It is a nice feeling to be liked". Lake was absolutely right about River. He needs the assurance. Pity confirmed, he gives the worst response a friend can give to River. "Since you need the love you want, ill give that to you.... I Love you".  Lake meant it as a love for a friend but it was already received differently by River. "I knew it!" River responds smiling. Lake immediately regretted what he have just said. But he decided to leave it that way for now. He's going to talk more about this with River tomorrow. Tomorrow, when River sobers up. He just want River to sleep happy tonight. So hush now, River, hush..... until he hears his snore. 

Chapter 8: No Ripple. No Wave. 

Lake still next to River sleeping, thought of the fuck he just did. This will make River believe more of the thought of him liking River. He knows that he has no feelings for River but friendship. This hugging and embracing didnt not cause a ripple or a wave for him. It didnt cause a school of fish to get excited. It's all caring for a friend and making him feel good.

This good intention for his friend River should have not been demonstrated. He just realizes he is River's ego-booster. All the while, he is River's ego-booster. That is how River sees him. A guy who likes him. And that makes him feel good. It is OK to be an ego-booster to a friend but not this way. Oh no, not this way. Suddenly, Lake's gut feels uneasy. He feels nauseated. He leaves River sleeping outside. He goes back to his room and sleep with an upset stomach. He's definitely going to talk to River tomorrow.

The next day, Lake wakes up with an uneasy stomach still. He finds out River is no longer there. He left early. Lake didnt have the chance to talk to him. No chance to explain what he meant last night. Lake vomits.

Chapter 8: The Icy Wind Arrives

Days have passed. Silence. No paper boat messages sent from both sides. Meanwhile, the icy wind arrives. The friendship gets cold. The waters of the River and Lake.... frozen. 

- the end-

Epilogue: I am Lyka and I am Veronica Lake. 

River and Lake: Chapters 3 to 5

(See Chapters 1 and 2 below) 

Chapter 3: River and Lake Became Friends

Lake and River became friends. They will often meet and share thoughts about things they adore, which are usually alike. They share history of how they were formed, what they have conquered and who have conquered them. The joint wild flow of the River and the tranquil waters of the Lake is a chemistry to revere. For Lake, the fluidity is no longer romantic, it is pure friendship now. 

Lake's physical attraction with River on their first meeting was like Naomi venturing into acting..... It didnt last. Lake's fanciful romantic mind-set is no longer present. River becomes too familiar for him. It is no longer how River looks like now but it is how he is as a friend. There's never been any sexual tension on Lake's part. No emotional attachment. It was all Thelma driving with Louise for him. Lake is just happy having an outlet via the River. 

Chapter 4: Lake On River

River is often misunderstood. His depth can only be measured by diving into it. The deeper the dive, the deeper you will know him. The River is unstable. There are times that it can be turbulent and times, slow-flowing. Its current is unpredictable. Among neighboring bodies of water, only Lake can understand him. It would always be Lake who will defend him. 

Swimming can be fun on the River but drifting wood and floating debris can sometimes be harmful. Lake has learned how to avoid them by hanging out with River too much. It was never an issue for him. But the sensitivity. Yes,  River is sensitive. And Lake is too. They squabble because of this but the issue would always be resolved. Another thing is, is when the River overflows, where inhibitions gone by substance,  chaos and controversy take place. River cannot control himself to behave. Lake thinks he does this to feel better about himself. And Lake doesnt like it.

But despite all these, Lake thinks River is a good friend. 

Chapter 5: River of Revelations

River loves to flow around young and newly-formed lakes. Our Lake would often see River flirting around. And Lake would be happy for him whenever a young lake or brook or creek would respond. This is one of the ways how Lake realized that he's not that into River. Jealousy or Heartbreak never existed. 

One big party night, River is drunk. His flirting continues. There seems to be no one who responds. Lake went home early. Back to his solitude. It was calm until River opens the door, still drunk. Lake on the chair and River kneels in front of him. "Do you like me?" asks River. Lake smiles, "No". River asks again with a little force this time. "Do you like meee? I know and i am not ignorant. Your friends told me you like me". "I dont like you" responds Lake. "Even as a friend?" says River ... Lake is a little bit annoyed now. "Yes, I like you as a friend". River hugs Lake and says.. "I like you too.... as a friend". 

Lake thought the drama will end now but he was wrong. River didnt stop. He grabs Lake's arms and tell him: "Look at me in the eyes and I will ask you again.... Do you like me?" Lake looks at River's eyes and say... "No."  River gets up and turns to go fast without saying anything. He didnt hear Lake saying... "Wait!"

Itutuloy.......

River and Lake

Chapter 1: Lake

Lake is a kind of person who likes to build castles in the air. The serenity of his room is his own refuge. He fantasizes a lot about meeting this guy who will rescue him from his own wretched placidity. He dreams of a cool love possibility without action. An image of a brilliant moon on his waters. Awaiting discovery and without doing anything, he dreams and dream more. Lake is pathetic. Lake is a yawn. 

One fine day, Lake read about this River somewhere from the East Side. He sends him a paper boat to say hi. It happens that they are somehow connected though the WWW (wide water web). They both decide to meet. Lake, with his imaginative inclination, has been abstracted to the possibility that this is the guy he has been wishing for. He is hoping for an outlet. He agrees to meet this River. He is excited. 

Chapter 2: Lake Meets River

Lake arrives at the Theatre early, the place where they have agreed to meet. With Lake's fairy tale vision of meeting his Prince, all the creative juices from When Harry Met Sally and Pretty Woman combined, is at tow.

They didn't meet until the show ends. With paper boat messages, they both describe what they are wearing so to recognize each other. River sat on the end of the Theatre which is 4 rows above where Lake is sitting. With lights on now, Lake stands up and look towards River's spot. And there he is.... The River and his wave. 

"Hi I am River"... He is tall and cute and confident. Lake likes it. Lake finds him cool, exactly what he dreams for for a man. Their waters has merged by shaking each others hands. The ice on the Lake melts. 

Itutuloy.........

Pangit

I felt bad kasi nalaman ko na may part two pa pala ang Gatas Ni Lyka (see previous story below). Di lang pala yun ang sinabi ni Butch. Di lang pala na gagamitin nya na lang muna ako dahil gipit sya. Sinabi nya rin pala na "Pangit" ako. I felt bad kasi bakit may mga kwentong ganon? Bakit may issue na ganito? As if niligawan at sinuyo ko ang Butch. Eh hinde eh! Sya nga yung text ng text sa akin. Ang masasabi ko lang.... Helloooooo? Philippine Airlines, How can I help you?

Ang Gatas Ni Lyka

Yesterday night when I was trying to sleep, i felt pretty odd. Di ko alam kung tatawa ako or magalit. Ito kasing si Jezebel may chismis sharing before matulog.  

The mermaid doesnt usually stay that late. Everytime na Mama O and I arrive from work, which is minutes before midnight, Jeze is already asleep. We dont share much time together since i wake up late in the morning, and she'll be already out and working at that time. 

But last night, sinugud ako sa kwarto. May Chism raw sya. She started by warning me not to get offended. Ano naman ito, I thought. Sila na ba ng crush ko? Eh wala naman akong crush sa ngayon. So all ears and medyo nervous ang Bergen sa isasabog ni Ms Patel. 

But before anything else, rewind muna tayo. A lot of months ago, may bitbit na mga friends si Jezebel sa bahay. Pinocchios (Pinoys). Sina Butch at Sissy (di tunay na pangalan). Sila ay mga twinkies ... Hmmmm actually, pa-twinkies. Maybe in their early twenties. Bading syempre! 

Si Butch ay pamhinta at si Sissy naman you know na. Masaya silang kasama. Naging close kaming lahat. Lalo na si Butch. Character sya! Galaw lalaki talaga at feeling gwapo sya at panay pa-cute ha. Pero in fairy ness, may fez naman sya, kahit medyo majubis at pandaka pygmea. Ang sabi pa nga nya, lahat raw ng mga kaibigan nya, babae man o lalaki, crush sya. O di ba character sya?

Sinasakyan namin ang kalokohan ni Butch. Lalo na ako. Everytime na may party sa bahay, invited sila ni Sissy. Interesting characters kasi sila. Everytime na magpa-cute si Butch, flirt back din ang Lyka. I am not sexuallly attracted or lalo na, emotionally attached kay Butch. Ako, game lang kung game, pero walang meaning ang lahat na yun para sa akin. Laro lang talaga. Kung may mangyari man, eh di good, eh kung wala, kebs! Masaya kasing mag flirt paminsan-minsan. But eventually, tinuring ko naman siyang kaibigan. 

A few months earlier, i received flirty text messages from Butch. Eh ang Lyka naman, flirts back din. SEB raw kami or something like that. At ako naman game. If i was that serious, talagang nagpakita na ako sa kanya at drive ko na ang bahay nya, pero hindi eh. I know he's just playing  this teasing game at ako ang kalaro nya sa larong ito. Kaya di ko sineryoso. Our teasing texts then turned into friendly ones naman. And it remained that way. I told Jezebel about this at no comment lang ang gagah.

And now, back to the chismis. Nag-usap raw ang Sissy at Jezebel last night at may revelation! Ask raw ang Sissy sa kanya kung nag te-text ba ang Butch sa akin. Jezebel confirmed it. At eto na nga. Sissy told her raw about Butch. Si Butch raw ay gipit ngayon. Kahit matulugan raw wala. Dami ng inutangan ang butch. At eto ang climax: Sinabi raw ni Butch kay Sissy: "Gagamitin ko na lang muna si Lyka!" 

Gosh! Ano ito? Kalokah! Wahahaha! feeling ko tuloy ako'y isang matandang bading na ginagatasan ng batang mhin! Siyet! Ganon na ba ang image ko? Di ko ma take tooooh!

I am not upset because of di pala ako type ni Butch at pera lang pala ang habol nya sa akin. I am upset because tinuring ko syang kaibigan. And at the same time, upset ako dahil gatasan pala ang tingin nya sa akin. 

Kaya di ko alam kung magalit ako or tawanan ang lahat na ito. Pero, mas more akong tumawa habang nakahiga bago matulog. But before that, nag-usap kami ni Mandaya Moore-Orlis. Sabi nya: "Eh di gamitin mo rin sya!" Isa lang ang masasabi ko, ayaw kong makipag-sex sa partner na di ako feel. Walang kwenta yun!

Ang ending, Minura-mura ni sister Jezebel ang Butch sa telepono at hindi na sya invited sa Birthday Bash ng Mermaid sa sabado. Wahahahaahah! At ang sabi ko naman, it really doesnt matter. I didnt lose anything. And lets give Butch the benefit of the doubt. But thank you, Jezebel dahil mahal mo ang ate mo. Viva!

At para kay Butch at Sissy..... Tse!

Mama O's New Look

Marami na ring looks ang na try ni Mama O. From Cute Chubilita (noong College kami) to 'Mukhang-Sakiting-Bakla' look. Nag Flat Top na rin sya noon at nag try din ng may Bangs. Lahat ng toh, di nag work.

Lately, nag Salt and Pepper look ang bruha. Medyo nag work ito. Napansin ng isang Italyano. Pero sadly, sandali lang ang power ng Salt and Pepper. Kulang pa rin raw ng Herbs and Spices. 

Kaya now, nag decide ang Mama. Dapat New Look. New Image na! At ang pinili? BAD BOY look na sya!  

Ang sakit naman ng tingin ng Mama! Mamang mama na!

Talo si Polo Ravales dito!

Sana naman, mag work to the max na ito! Good Luck Mama O!

(Sa mag-aapply, humanda ng Resume with Close Up and Full Body pics at i submit ito sa POEA!)