Mantras

Shirt: secondhand Downeast Outfitters, $3.50 from thrift store
Necklace: secondhand, $4 from consignment shop
Skirt: Ross, $15
Shoes: secondhand, $8 from thrift store

This was Sunday's outfit. I liked it so much.

Sweater: Banana Republic, $25
Necklace: Etsy shop, $12
Shirt: Gap, $6
Skirt: Ross, $15
Shoes: secondhand, $12 from consignment shop

This is today's outfit. I don't like it quite as much, I think because there's too much similarity between a loose, long top half and a loose, long bottom half. The outfit I wore yesterday was much more comfortable and flattering, but such is life. I will press on. And thus ends my Weeklong Remix of the brown maxi skirt. You can see my other looks here, here, and here. (And PS: For whatever it's worth, I wore the skirt two additional times this week without blogging about it, so this item has gotten a LOT o' love recently. It needs a nap.)

Something I've been thinking about lately: mantras. A mantra can be a word, a phrase, a syllable -- any speech that you use as an instrument of thought. In Hinduism and Buddhism, mantras carry sacred symbolism and embody some kind of spiritual power, so the repetition of a mantra is a religious practice. I've read about mantras many times before and always liked the idea. As an English major and literary-type person, I totally believe in the power of words. That said, it was just a cool idea and never something I really intentionally used.

In the past few weeks, I've noticed that I use "mantras" frequently, except they're not the spiritually uplifting or helpful kind. I imagine that most of us get into habits of negative self-talk from time to time, and I sure fall into that trap. The harmful things I say to myself aren't planned or wanted, but they're with me nonetheless. I just fixate fixate fixate on what's wrong, so the mantra becomes "_______ sucks" or "________ makes me feel so horrible" or "_______ is always falling short."

On Friday, I had some menstrual cramps going on, and I decided to implement the positive power of words to deal with that. Whenever the cramps would sort of surge or become more distracting, I would repeat this mantra to myself: "This is a productive pain. It's nothing to worry about. My body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do, and it's doing it very well." Know what? It really did the trick. The pain was reduced, and the pain that remained wasn't scary or unbearable.

I'm trying to find a mantra or two that I can use for the emotional woes rather than the physical ones. Any suggestions? I've found some success with "It's okay to feel hurt" and other things to that effect, reminding myself that it's totally normal to feel upset when things I care about aren't quite right, but I don't think I've struck gold with my perfect mantra just yet. If you have any advice for things you say to keep things in perspective or make yourself feel better, I would lurve to know.

Gypsy

Scarf: Van Heusen, $7
Shirt: Banana Republic, $15
Giganto flower scarf: secondhand Divided by H&M brand, $4 from consignment shop
Pin: Michael's Craft Store, $3
Skirt: Ross, $15
Sandals: Downeast Outfitters, $12

This scarf I'm wearing over the skirt is ENORMOUS. It's more like a picnic blanket or a wall-hanging than anything else, but considering the pretty pretty floral print and four dollar pricetag, I couldn't pass it up.

In other news, my hair appointment went very well. Tyrel gave me some strawberry-blond-ish highlights that give more dimension and flexibility when it comes to root touchups. Having a few hours to catch up with an old friend and be pampered within an inch of my life? That wasn't bad either. If you live in the Salt Lake area, you can visit him at Landis Aveda and get something wonderful of your own.

Hair Like a Dust-Bunny's

Sunglasses: secondhand, $2 from thrift store
Necklaces: one from Downeast Outfitters ($8), one from Wal-Mart ($5)
Shirt: secondhand and probably hand-dyed, free from clothing swap
Watch: Roxy, gift
Bracelet: vintage family heirloom, free
Skirt: Ross, $15
Sandals: Downeast Outfitters, $12

Whenever I'm getting my hair cut or colored, I have a dilemma to consider: Do I do my hair in the morning, before heading to the salon, or do I leave it messy? Messy hair is easier, and if it's all getting reworked in a few hours by the hairdresser anyway, it seems silly to put much effort in. Messy is usually my chosen approach. But then I get to the salon, and all the stylists there have rad, well-done hair; by comparison, I feel like a dust-bunny someone swept out from under the couch. The memory of this feeling is what makes me second-guess my decision to go messy the following time. Le sigh. I've made my bed and will proceed to lie in it.

Going to the salon hasn't been a regular part of my life until recently. My mom cut my hair all through my growing-up years, and when I decided to start dying it as a senior in high school, she handled that as well. I think I really got tuned in to the power of a well-timed, well-done change in the hair department after my first big breakup (only big breakup, actually). It seemed a fine time to go short for the first time in my life, and go short I did. I felt like a new woman (a new woman who shortly thereafter fell in love with her future husband, I might add -- coincidence? I think not). Behold, from early 2008.

One of my dearest, oldest friends on God's green earth, Tyrel (the man responsible for the afore-mentioned short haircut), is taking his hands to my tresses this afternoon. I hope to have something lovely and new to show off for you tomorrow.

A Work of Understanding

Necklace: Forever 21, $5
Shirt: Old Navy, $8
Skirt: Ross, $15
Belt: secondhand, $2 from thrift store
Watch: Roxy, gift
Sandals: Payless, $15

Guess how many pieces of fried shrimp I ate for lunch today. Did you guess more than 20? Then you're probably correct. I had a mighty craving and didn't bother to keep count of my munching.

Today is the day I'm bringing back The Weeklong Remix. Over the next seven days, I'll be incorporating this brown maxi skirt into at least five outfits. Isn't that EXCITING?!

Before bidding adieu for today, I wanted to give a plug for an online resource I've been digging into lately. A fellow named Brent Kerby has just self-published a book called Gay Mormons?: Latter-day Saint Experiences of Same-Gender Attraction, and the full text of the book is available online. All things that are offbeat and Mormon appeal to me, so the topic of homosexuality within my church is nothing new, but I haven't ever seen it treated in quite this way. Brent collected individual stories from lots of people, including gay Mormons, gay former Mormons, and spouses in mixed-orientation marriages (a gay man married to a straight woman or vice versa). The stories are all so different from each other, but Brent just presents them as they are in an effort to show the diverse experiences that exist in this community. His intent was clearly to offer help and understanding, not to make a political point, and I think that's wise in terms of allowing these stories to do the most good. I can imagine so many kinds of people reading an experience from this book and feeling peace from it.

I wanted to pass this resource along for everyone's use and benefit, most notably for all us somehow-Mormon folks. My feelings on this topic are deep and wide, but I'll try to summarize by saying: any pain that exists within my faith community is a pain that I take personally, and there is so much work to be done to eliminate the schism that often separates our gay brothers and sisters from feeling part of the whole. I think the work is a work of love, a work of understanding, and considering how insanely likely it is that each of us will have a gay child/niece/nephew/cousin/aunt/uncle/grandchild/parent/sibling in our lives at some juncture, the work of understanding is urgent. I hope you'll read Brent's book, bookmark the stories you like, and pass along the things you find most important.

Learning to Walk

Earrings: secondhand, $3 from thrift store
Gingham shirt: Old Navy, $19
Blouse: Macy's, $15
Sweater: ModCloth, $17
Jeggings: gift from my mom
Boots: gift from my mom

These are not the most conventional outfit photos for me, but I swear there's a good reason for it. All will become clear in time.

On Friday/Saturday, I became inexplicably depressed, and nobody likes to dress up and take pictures in the front yard while depressed (which explains why I haven't done outfit posts in a few days). All a depressed person wants to do is lie somewhat uncomfortably on a couch in his/her pajamas, stewing about what a pathetic, talentless, smelly human being he/she is. This is all part of being depressed, in my experience, and it is no fun at all.

These depression spells seem to come along every three months or so. For the record, I know what it's like to be depressed in an "I'm suffering from depression" kind of way, and that is not what's going on for me with these bouts. Still, it's a destructive and difficult habit, and I keep trying to find ways to either solve the pattern or accept it, whichever is most right.

As a teenager, I was very aware that other girls my age were sometimes filled with self-doubt or self-loathing, maybe because of how they looked or how people treated them, and I remember being so grateful at the time that, for whatever reason, I wasn't afflicted with such issues. Actually, I thought I was pretty special because of it. Such flawed, flawed logic ... But anyway, turns out that I was just saving some of these confidence/personal criticism issues for adulthood. FUN! And now I have to deal with them.

I don't bring all of this up in an effort to get sympathy or encouragement via the internet; luckily, I have sufficient amounts of both from my real-life support system (have I ever told you that I have the best best friend and the best husband in all the land?). The part I really wanted to share is that, between reading some heavy-duty inspirational quotes and listening to some wise advice from my husband, I think the solution to this problem will be to find and follow a new passion (or four).

One really mild passion that I took some time with today: taking a walk. I looped my point-and-shoot camera around my right wrist and took pictures whilst walking, most of them very haphazard. I took that same not-really-trying approach to the above outfit pictures, actually. Here were my favorite shots from the day.

Maybe going for a walk around the neighborhood doesn't sound like a legit "passion," or at least not a worthwhile one, but whatevs. It makes me happy.

The other things I'm doing are:
1. learning to play chess (Craig and I are halfway through my first game ever)
2. getting back to my doula training (I was super wrapped-up in this about a year ago)
3. working on altered books (check it out -- I'm already getting started!)

Anyhoo, I think you can expect to see some documentation of these new hobbies, which will mean pictures that look a little different. Heads up.

And also: this is the fifth day of my Weeklong Remix with the gingham shirt. I've worn the shirt more days than I've documented it, but I figured I ought to share these pictures from today just to officially round out the five-day stretch.

Gingham Shirt Remix #5:

See also:
Gingham Shirt Remix #1
Gingham Shirt Remix #2
Gingham Shirt Remix #3
Gingham Shirt Remix #4

The Promise of Springtime

Jacket: Old Navy, $30 (ages ago)
Shirt: Old Navy, $19
Dress (as skirt): Wal-Mart, $15
Slip: secondhand, $2 from thrift store
Sandals: Payless, $11

The weather today had "bare legs" written all over it (really. in skywriting.), but I was too nervous to leave the house without some kind of coverage. This jacket has been in my life since middle school and adds a rugged touch to any outfit.

I've decided that something in this house is cursed, and it's either my oven or all of the white flour in my cupboards. Everything I try to bake tastes positively horrid, and I KNOW I'm following the recipe exactly. There goes the hour that I spent trying to make a decent batch of cookies.

PS: I shared some pictures from the Holi Festival of Colors a few days ago, and now, there's a great video to share as well! Enjoy.

Gingham Shirt Remix #4:

See also:
Gingham Shirt Remix #1
Gingham Shirt Remix #2
Gingham Shirt Remix #3