Thursday, May 31, 2007

LTE Awards: May 2007 Nominees

Nasa kay Miss Japan na ang Mikimoto. Wala nang mag-reklamo! Move on na! LTE (Titi) Awards na naman tayo. It's time for I.E. (April Titi Winner) to pass the crown. Sino kaya sa Top 10 nating ito ang tatanghaling Riyo Mori of the the Month of May?

Mga Desperadang Asawa, announce nyo na ang nominees nating for this month... please!

Susan: Excited na ba kayo? Gusto nyo na bang malaman kung sino-sino ang pasok sa Top 10?" ...... Gabrielle: Bilisan mo naman, Susan at ihing-ihi na ketch!.... Bree: Oh sha, sha, nagmamadali na ang bruha!... Lynette: Eto na! Eto na! At ako'y excited na!.... Edie: Lecheng buhay naman to Oo. Pati dito extra lang ang role koh! Asan na ba ang envelope at ako ang mag-announce ng unang bakla sa listahan....

Edie: Here we go, In random order. Lets begin with....... Jase!

JASE in 1 Out Of 10

"Actually, I love men who hide their sexuality... there is that hint of mystery... and you want to find or untangle the unknown! Very challenging... exciting!"

^***^

Susan: Lets welcome... The Aceist!

The ACEIST in Blond Or Brunet?

(On choosing between Traveler's Tyler(Blond) and Jay(Brunet) "Feel ko pinag-aawayan na nila ako. With matching suicidal effect pa si Blondie 'pagdi ko pinagbigyan. Pwes magpakamatay na siya. Kay Brunette ako".

^***^

Gabrielle: You better kick ass... Kiks!

KIKS in A Song For Ekra

(On long lost true love) "It's like looking for him in faces of people you meet. Trying to figure out his voice in a noisy crowd. Feeling the warmth of his skin on those your arms accidentally brushed with or intentionally hugged. Exacting that love you once had with those who came right thereafter.

Years pass. One's sight blurs. his hearing clogs. His senses numb. But the feeling remains as strongly as it did the first time. It sounds crazy. It is crazy. But it is true love".

^***^

Bree: You can now breathe... Bitterbitch!

BITTER BITCH in A Song For Ekra

(On long lost true love pa rin) ".....Kailangan tanggapin na wala ng bukas para sa inyo kundi kahapon. Kahapon na puno ng mga mapait at matamis din namang alaala na maari mo na lamang balikan sa iyong panaginip... Hay...Pag-ibig nga naman!"

^***^

Lynette: To complete the First half is.... Maruja!

EMPRESS MARUJA in Brokeback Mountain Issue

(On a certain girl's case suing her teacher for showing the film in their class). "Kahit ano naman yata puwede mong ikaso sa Amerika. Madulas ka lang, kasalanan ng gobyerno. Namatay ang tuta mo sa microwave, kasalanan ng kumpanya".

^***^

Edie: C'Mon down and fly kiss... Mrs. J!

MRS. J in Brokeback Mountain Issue

(On the same case) "Hay... everytime nalang na homo related ang issue people make a big deal out of it.. nakakalungkot lang tuloy kasi come to think of it,... ISSUE pa bang matatawag ang pagiging bakla?! Puhleezz.. Eh kahit san kana ngalang tumingin e may bakla?!"

^***^

Susan: You all guessed it right.... Maui!

MAUI in Papa: Eugen Bauder

(On Eugen Bauder's sexy pictures) "Sa sobrang galit ng abs nya, natakot yung titi nya!!!!!!!! Umurong?!!"

^***^

Gabrielle: Why dont you bring your butt down here... Aries!

ARIES in Wildlife Telenovela

(On YouTube's amateur wildlife clip) "It's so amazing how nature reminds us how a community and a family is important to an individual. being a member of one would contribute to each others safety, education and survival. salamat sa gay cammunity! we will survive! Charing!"

^***^

Bree: I knew it! I knew it!.... Bananas!

BANANAS in Wildlife Telenovela

(On the same video clip) "This classically tells us that the world out there is cruel and that is a given that we must accept, no matter how uncomfortable this truth is. Someone bites us and the best thing to do is to bite back. Part of our flesh is ripped-off, we rip the entire ripper's whole body, including the soul.

But the vid also reminds us about the law of nature. It's part of the prey-predator thing. It's normal no matter how insane it appears to us. But who says being normal is not being insane, tho?"

^***^

Lynette: Only one more bakla has the chance to become our May Titi Winner and she is.... Johnny Panic!

Johnny Panic in Mikimoto, Japan!

(On former Miss Universe Zuleyka's unhappy face while crowning Miss Japan as the new Miss Universe) "Dapat si Zuleyka ang nadapa. Strike two na sya ha!!! She deserved that angry mob more than anyone on stage. Hinampas sana ni Miss Japan ang industrial strength bouquet nya sa retokadang mukha ng Zuleyka..... Walk-out!"

^***^

Bree: There we go! Our Top 10 Bakla and our nominees for May Titi Award... Lynette: The winner will be chosen by votes. Vote for your top 3 choice in this post's comment section... Edie: Total votes will be added to the LTE's votes. The one with highest score wins (Naman!).... Susan: In 5 days, the winner will be announced.... Gabrielle: So, Good Luck ladies at Ihing-ihi na ako. Good Night!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Miss Philippines!

To Anna Theresa Licaros:

Thank you! Thank you for being who you are in this year's Miss Universe. For showing the best you can give. For being plain simple. For not trying hard to be who you are not. For us, that is beauty.

Thank you for the elegance and poise you showed us upon receiving that "award". We say sorry for those who put you in that spot.

Your simplicity, your truth, and your natural unpretentious beauty... is what mattered most. You are GOLD!... Precious.... Worthy.... Cherished. It just happened that they were looking for some diamonds this year.

We love you!

Our Song of the Week is for you. Eva Cassidy's Fields Of Gold.... Miss Philippines, this is for you:

Monday, May 28, 2007

Mikimoto, Japan!


O Ayan na at nasa ke Japan na ang korona. Wala ng kokontra!

Natapos din ang kabaklaan sa gabing ito. Di namin malaman kung natuwa ba kami o nainis sa over-all show ng bading na bading na Miss Universe 2007 na to. Basahin na lang below para alamin kung bakit.


Zuleyka's Unhappy Face; USA's Fall; Miss Photegenic....Again!

Not So Happy With......
1. The Production (Where's the elegance and the celebration mood the Miss Universe Production was known for?) 2. The Music (WTF those guest singers doing there? The evening gown music was the worse ever!) 3. Dave Navarro's question for Miss Venezuela and calling her Babe. (The essense of Miss Universe swayed towards the negative now). 4. Zuleyka Rivera's odd facial expression while crowning Miss Japan. (Parang di kontento ang Gagah kay Japan ha). 5. Philippines as Miss Photogenic ... again! (Accdg to reports, Miss Photegenic's second place ang Miss Norway and Germany, third... Aaaay! Jokla lang). 6. Miss USA's fall (OK lang sana kung graceful ang pagkatayo at bumawi.. pero hindi eh!) 7. Mexicans unfriendly boos for Miss USA. 8. Ukraine and Nicaragua as Semi-Finalists (Maraming mas deserving sa kanilang dalawa ano?). 9. The Translators messing up the Interview Portion. 10. No National Costume Award.


Japan's Winning Moment; Mario Lopez's Dimples; Miss Tanzania

Very Happy With:
1. Japan's Win (She deserves it! And we love her winning reaction). 2. Japan's Evening Gown (Balita ko, Gucci raw yun?) 3. The diversity of the Top 15 ( including ang apat na Asyangs and less Latinas!!) 4. Miss Philippines receiving the Miss Photogenic Award with elegance and poise (kahit medyo nakakahiyang kunin ang award) 5. Miss Tanzania as Semi-Finalist (We love her sana to win for the curiousity of how she will carry her crown with her bald head. Di ba ang saya saya sana?). 6. Mario Lopez's Dimples (Ang cute ng Papa!) 7. Miss China for Miss Congeniality (Baka nilutuan ng pansit ang fellow contestants accdg. to Ekra) 8. Miss India's Elegance and Confidence 9. Miss Brazil's Answer to Michelle Kwan's Question 10. Zuleyka Riviera's Farewell Walk (Tarush nya ha!)

Haaaay naketch, disappointed na naman ang mga bading na Pinoy! Dapat kasi palitan na ang Stella Araneta na yan eh! Till next year na nga lang. Vavoooo!

Wildlife Telenovela

Isang nana-nahimik na pamilya, ginulo ng mga kontrabida. Minaltrato ang bunso. Tragic! Kaawa-awa sya. At hindi lang to ha, ang mga kontrabida ay may sarili ding kontrabida sa buhay, at gusto rin nilang abusuhin ang already nabiktimang si Bunso. Pinag-aagawan si Bunso.... pinag-aagawan ang kanyang kamatayan.

Para mai-save sya, kapit-kamay ang pamilya nya. Tulongan silang lahat. Si Tatay, Nanay, Kapatid, Lolo, Lola, Tiyo, Tiya, Cousins.... nandoon lahat para ma-rescue si Bunso sa mga kamay ng mga kontrabida.

Ma si-save kaya nila ang kanilang Bunso? Watch na lang kayo from start to finish.



"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one".
- Jane Howard

LTE Miss Universe Choice

Mamaya na ang Miss U mga Misis! Zino-zino ba ang mga bet nyo? Basing sa mga Videos (for the preliminary judging) sa Miss Universe Website, eto ang napili namin. This is based sa rampa ng mga bruha in their swimsuits and gowns lang at walang interview.

LTE's Choice for Miss Universe 2007

Top Five

Guatemala Miss Universe
Thailand 1st Runner Up
Venezuela 2nd Runner Up
Russia 3rd Runner Up
Japan 4th Runner Up

Top Ten

Albania
Tanzania
Estonia
Slovenia
Italy

Top Fifteen

Canada
China
Philippines
USA
Angola

Special Awards:
Miss Photogenic: Greece
Best In National Costume: Korea
Best In Gown: Japan
Best In Swimsuit: Guatemala

Gulat aketch ha. Scoring Galore ang LTE habang pinapanood ang videos.... at ewan kung bakit iba ang kinalabasansa ini-expect ko. Surprised ako kay Guatemala ha! At ang Russia nakapasok? At even China ay nasa Top 15 ha! Sa totoo lang ewan ko, at bakit enter ang beauty ni Philippines at walang interview ang Judging namin. Wala man lang Greece? Korea? Spain? Or Mexico?... Azan si Germany at Norway?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Papa: Eugen Bauder


May LTE Papa: Eugen Bauder

The Lyka Profile:

Tinaguriang 'The Most Beautiful Face' ang Papa Eugen. Born sa Kazakhstan (by German ma at Pa) but now resides in LA. 19 anyos lang ang Papa ha at in demand na male model na. Familiar di ba? Dahil nga halos lahat na print ad sa magazines ay present sya. Presently, our May Papa is trying his luck sa Hollywood. Wait na lang tayo na maka- dyogdyogan nya si Jake G.

The Kelly Pose:

Grabe naman ang emote ng Papa Eugen sa Kelly-Kelly pose nya ha! Ipasok na nga yan sa Hollywood! Pa-amoy-amoy effect ang drama. Am zure kahit anong klaseng amoy nya, papatok pa rin kay Kelly toh! Alam mo naman ang Kelly natin. Tahimik lang pero hayok sa kelly-kelly ng mga Papa.

The Ekra Bulge:

Oooops! Mukhang di oobra kay Ekra ang bulge ng ating May Papa ha! Importante kasi kay Ekra ang bulge na to! Ewan ko lang sa kanya, kung eto ang Papa ko at smallville ang Juniour nya? Okey pa rin ako.... bsata more than 4 inches lang ha. Less than that, pass ko na kay Mama O..... Ching!

Kayo? Kung ganito ka Macho ang Papa at Napoleon-Bonaparte-1-inch ang India Arie nya, sasagutin nyo ba ng matamis na "Oo" kung kayo ay liligawan nya? ....Tse!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Love Your Bum


Hugable, super soft and extra-strong...... love your bum!


Or someone else's bum?

Sa mahilig sa pwet, para sa inyo toh! Our Song Of The Week, Love Your Bum by Eberg! Enjoy!




Photographs by Daniel Nassoy

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Casting Game: Desperate Housewives

Balitang na cancel ang Desperadas (ala Desperate Housewives) movie ni Mother Lily na sana ay gagampanan nina Ruffa Gutierez, Gretchen Baretto, Pops Fernandez at Dawn Zulueta. Sayang naman. Mazaya zana diva? Pero kung ang LTE ang Casting Directors at Desperate Housewives (Pinoy Version), eto ang pipiliin naming mga actrisis!


Susan Mayer: Kris Aquino

Bagay kay Kris ang role na toh ha. Clumsy, tara-tara, annoying na funny, at nali-link sa ibat-ibang lalaki. Ay feel ng gagah ito. Sya ang Susan Mayer namin.

Susan's Pinoy Name for Kris: Susan Montemayor.
Second Choice for the role: Regine Velasquez


Bree Van De Kamp: Zsa Zsa Padilla

Zsazing is one of the best Pinay Actresses ever. Versatile kasi ang bruha. Kayang kaya nya ang role ng Bree na toh. Imagine Zsa Zsa as obsessive-compulsive, alcoholic, manipulative at kontrabida sa anak na bading! Di ba bongga?

Bree's Pinoy Name for Zsa Zsa: Bree Ocampo
Second Choice for the role: Eulah Valdez



Lynette Scavo: Charlene Gonzales

Mukhang losyang na ba si Charlene? Eeek! Pero bagay ang role sa kanya ha. Maka-pamilya, matalino, spontaneous, hard-working at idealistic. Kahit doubtful kami sa acting ni Misis Mulach, pasok pa rin sya dahil sa buhok nya sa picture above. Ching!

Lynette's Pinoy Name for Charlene: Lynette Calvo
Second Choice for the Role: Cheri Pie Picache


Gabrielle Solis: Rufa Mae Quinto

Si Rufa ang magdadala ng comedy sa kunwaring Pinoy pelikula na toh. Kunwari, ex-starlet ang bruha (as patterned to Eva's Ex-model role). Materialistic, shopping-galore ang gagah. Concerned sa figure at medyo boba at higit sa lahat, whatever-she-wants-she-gets ang drama! Excited ako para sa kanya.

Gaby's Pinoy Name for Rufa: Gaby Solis pa rin na anak ni Charito
Second Choice: Melanie Marquez


Edie Britt: Carmi Martin

Loves male attention, kontrabida, sexy bitch. Yan si Carmi! Super maldita ang datesh kaya sya ang Edie namin. Kahit thundercat na ang lokah, sexy pa rin!

Edie's Pinoy Name for Carmi: Edie Britanico
Second Choice for the role: Ara Mina

-----O-----

Kayo? Sino ang na-isip nyo?
Previous Casting Game: The Devil Wears Prada